Tinfoil and Vodka

Hallo reader! How art thou? I have returned from my Thanksgiving break for another term of blogging! Yes, yes, I can hear your adoring screams of horror delight at my return. I missed you all as well! And to celebrate this reunion, I will submit to you a game I created with my father.

Behold: … THE ANCIENT ALIENS DRINKING GAME

Yes folks it’s random post time again, consider it a short reprieve from the usual topic. For those of you that don’t know, Ancient Aliens is a relatively new show on the history channel. That’s right. A show with that title is on the history channel. It basically follows some “Ancient Astronaut Theorists” as they try to prove the existence of aliens via “evidence” from older civilizations. For instance, a sculpture of a bird is interpreted as a spaceship design. Dad and I love to watch these things. They can quickly become so ridiculous that hilarity ensues for the enjoyment of a humble cynic. One night, we started making fun of the many patterns that appear in the show, and eventually developed it into a drinking game. Basically, when any of the following happens, take a shot! (Note to our inevitable underage viewers, substitute pop instead. Trust us; you’ll live longer than anyone actually drinking.)

Take a shot……

Every time they use the phrase “Ancient astronaut theorists’ _____”.

You will not believe how often they use this phrase. You can honestly fill in the blank with anything: believe, argue, theorize, think, etc. Our theory is this is an attempt to gain credibility and make their ideas sound scientific and credible. Either way, when you hear this 30 times within five minutes, it gets pretty silly.

Every time they reference primitive man and/or a technology gap.

The two usually go hand in hand. The show often likes to state that people were so primitive in the past, that they clearly could not accomplish anything that we ourselves cannot do today. They leave absolutely no room for the concept of some innovative idea or method lost to time. Creativity and human ingenuity unknown to us? Psssh! It’s clearly aliens.

Every time they highlight/ superimpose an image over a statue, carving, painting, etc.

This is also a neat little trick. “Hey guys! This statue kind of looks like an alien. It could just be a cultural way of creating faces that doesn’t necessarily match with our own ideals, but I’m, pretty sure it’s an alien. what? You don’t see it? Here, let me superimpose and alien over it! SEE? Alien! I'll even highlight the differences!” This is very similar to paranormal investigation shows. Ever notice how static sounds like static until they caption it to say “Get Out”?

Every time they visually reproduce aliens, spaceships, or anything else with CGI.

Nothing says science like CGI folks! Can’t visualize it even WITH the superimposed alien head? Well here is a 3D model! See? It’s all mysterious and shiny and fits with our theory! I especially love how sometimes it has absolutely nothing to do with anything. They just randomly insert a ship flying through space no matter what they are actually talking about. Feel free to add making physical models of things onto this as well.

Every time they state multiple questions in a row, or use them as arguments.

Honestly this is almost as common as the phrase ancient astronaut theorists. They will state the same same question in five different ways. “could it be that these are depictions of aliens? Could it be that this is proof of alien contact with primitive man? Is it possible that aliens have been in contact for centuries?” all of these can be answered with no. no it is not possible. Better still sometimes they use them as an argument. How could this happen without alien intervention? CLEARY since we don't have an answer, it can't.

Every time they compare unrelated things

This is especially for civilizations. They will often say “look! Civilization A and civilization B have similar artwork! This is obviously proof that the same aliens visited them! I mean sure, they could have just developed similar philosophy, or we could just be misinterpreting what they created, but the most reasonable answer is alien intervention."

Last but not least, DRAMATIC ZOOOOOOM!

Every time they use a dramatic zoom, filter, or other photo shop transition. They do this so much, as if to say “Ooooooh! This is deep and mysterious and shocking! Ooooooh!” these transitions have no real point, and often come one right after another, causing any dramatic effect to be lost in the ridiculous amount of effects. Do we really need a fade, time lapse, filter, and freeze frame right after another?

Remember this is all in fun, you can add or subtract other rules, such as definitive statements, religious references, etc. at your discretion. Please drink responsibly and try not to die of alcohol poisoning.

-BlackFox

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