Hallo reader!
How art thou? I have returned from my Thanksgiving break for another
term of blogging! Yes, yes, I can hear your adoring screams
of horror delight at my return. I missed
you all as well! And to celebrate this reunion, I will submit to you
a game I created with my father.
Behold: … THE
ANCIENT ALIENS DRINKING GAME
Yes folks
it’s random post time again, consider it a short reprieve from the
usual topic. For those of you that don’t know, Ancient Aliens is a
relatively new show on the history channel. That’s right. A show
with that title is on the history channel. It basically follows some
“Ancient Astronaut Theorists” as they try to prove the existence
of aliens via “evidence” from older civilizations. For instance,
a sculpture of a bird is interpreted as a spaceship design. Dad and I
love to watch these things. They can quickly become so ridiculous
that hilarity ensues for the enjoyment of a humble cynic. One night,
we started making fun of the many patterns that appear in the show,
and eventually developed it into a drinking game. Basically, when any
of the following happens, take a shot! (Note to our inevitable
underage viewers, substitute pop instead. Trust us; you’ll live
longer than anyone actually drinking.)
Take a shot……
Every time
they use the phrase “Ancient astronaut theorists’ _____”.
You will not
believe how often they use this phrase. You can honestly fill in the
blank with anything: believe, argue, theorize, think, etc. Our theory
is this is an attempt to gain credibility and make their ideas sound
scientific and credible. Either way, when you hear this 30 times
within five minutes, it gets pretty silly.
Every time
they reference primitive man and/or a technology gap.
The two
usually go hand in hand. The show often likes to state that people
were so primitive in the past, that they clearly could not accomplish
anything that we ourselves cannot do today. They leave absolutely no
room for the concept of some innovative idea or method lost to time.
Creativity and human ingenuity unknown to us? Psssh! It’s clearly
aliens.
Every time
they highlight/ superimpose an image over a statue, carving,
painting, etc.
This is also
a neat little trick. “Hey guys! This statue kind of looks like an
alien. It could just be a cultural way of creating faces that doesn’t
necessarily match with our own ideals, but I’m, pretty sure it’s
an alien. what? You don’t see it? Here, let me superimpose and
alien over it! SEE? Alien! I'll even highlight the differences!”
This is very similar to paranormal investigation shows. Ever notice
how static sounds like static until they caption it to say “Get
Out”?
Every time
they visually reproduce aliens, spaceships, or anything else with
CGI.
Nothing says
science like CGI folks! Can’t visualize it even WITH the
superimposed alien head? Well here is a 3D model! See? It’s all
mysterious and shiny and fits with our theory! I especially love how
sometimes it has absolutely nothing to do with anything. They just
randomly insert a ship flying through space no matter what they are
actually talking about. Feel free to add making physical models of
things onto this as well.
Every time
they state multiple questions in a row, or use them as arguments.
Honestly this
is almost as common as the phrase ancient astronaut theorists. They
will state the same same question in five different ways. “could it
be that these are depictions of aliens? Could it be that this is
proof of alien contact with primitive man? Is it possible that aliens
have been in contact for centuries?” all of these can be answered
with no. no it is not possible. Better still sometimes they use them
as an argument. How could this happen without alien intervention?
CLEARY since we don't have an answer, it can't.
Every
time they compare unrelated things
This
is especially for civilizations. They will often say “look!
Civilization A and civilization B have similar artwork! This is
obviously proof that the same aliens visited them! I mean sure, they
could have just developed similar philosophy, or we could just be
misinterpreting what they created, but the most reasonable answer is
alien intervention."
Last
but not least, DRAMATIC ZOOOOOOM!
Every
time they use a dramatic zoom, filter, or other photo shop
transition. They do this so much, as if to say “Ooooooh! This is
deep and mysterious and shocking! Ooooooh!” these transitions have
no real point, and often come one right after another, causing any
dramatic effect to be lost in the ridiculous amount of effects.
Do we really need a fade, time lapse, filter, and freeze frame right
after another?
Remember
this is all in fun, you can add or subtract other rules, such as
definitive statements, religious references, etc. at your discretion.
Please drink responsibly and try not to die of alcohol poisoning.
-BlackFox
(833)