Hallo
reader. I hath come to grace thee with an assigned post. Yes, yes, I
know. But we all must all make sacrifices for the academic arts.
In this case,
we are going to take a look at the current topic we are writing about
in class. At present, we are taking a look at the concept of online
relationships (And not just the romantic kind. Friendships count
too), and whether that connection across screens is a real, or for
that matter desirable, one. Now, I normally would advocate actually
being with someone as opposed to simply chatting through a messenger
or awareness of the potential dangers involved. However… I noticed
that very few seemed to look at the value behind that connection.
They focused on the dangers and the unknowables, and they expounded
upon the hits taken by intimacy and social skills, but few seemed to
mention the view on the other side of the window. And, in the
interest of fairness and the fact that these relationships do
actually have some merit… I, for once, am going to defend them.
To start, I
would like to contest the notion that a relationship on the internet
- be it friend, family, or romance oriented - is automatically
insufficient or unauthentic. Just because you interact with someone
consistently online does not necessarily mean that this interaction
is less meaningful. Not everyone behind the screen is a serial killer
or a pseudo profile. In some very real cases, you can find good close
friends online. You can form real connections and real relationships
with people. As an example, suppose we arbitrarily define “a real
friend” as someone you trust unconditionally. Someone who you are
able to lower your defensive walls and be open with. Someone you can
discuss painful or personal things with, without the fear of being
rejected or injured. If I have a friend online that provides this for
me, are they not a “real friend”? Additionally, just because you
can physically interact with a person does not automatically make the
relationship stronger. People can still be shallow and cruel and
unreliable or deceiving in real life. If for instance, I meet a man
in real life who lies to me about his name and occupation, is that
any different from using a false profile on a dating site? The
validity of the relationship is not determined by the medium by which
you interact, but the quality of the interactions. And yes being able to
actually see or talk with this person - even better if you physically
get together - is desirable, but it is not a requirement for the
relationship to be genuine. I can still receive support,
companionship, and joy from someone online without losing anything. I
simply gain this connection in a different way. And for some, this
different way is their salvation.
Not everyone
is a social butterfly. Not everyone is able to open up or be
themselves face to face. Some people need the protective barrier of a
screen between them and whoever they are talking too. With it, they
feel safe and secure enough to talk with the other person. This other
person is someone they will not have to physically face every day in
the hall or office. This is someone who has no idea who they are, and
who will not associate their actions with their face. It offers
greater protection and security from being hurt or rejected. Of
course, there are some who will say: “And WHY do they need that
barrier exactly? Because it exists! Since they have grown up with it,
they have failed to develop any social skills at all! If the internet
did not exist, then they would have to learn to interact with people
the right way”! This is an argument that continues to mystify me,
mainly because I do not see the logic behind it. A lack of existence
does not imply a lack of need. This is the equivalent of arguing that
a knight does not really need armor, and that having armor has only
conditioned him to fight carelessly. If he did not have this
unnecessary barrier between him and his imposing foe, he would have
had to develop “real” fighting skills. If someone said this, we
would call the argument foolish. While it would be true that some
people may not need a barrier or that some people may misuse it and
become careless, that does not negate the legitimate need for
protection and security that many would require. Some of you may feel
I am exaggerating here, but I assure you this is not a hyperbolic
argument. For some, talking with someone can be just as intimidating
as riding into battle. Especially if they have fought that battle
before, and lost. There are people who have tried to interact with
the “real world” the “right way”, and they have been burned.
And I don’t
mean a pathetic burn that you just rinse some water on and brush
away. I mean a deep scar leaving, slow healing burn. Burns that stay
with you for a long, long time. The people who are burned like this
simply do not get back into the social waters. They have been
rejected and hurt and ridiculed to the point where they are no longer
able or willing to try anymore. To create a friendship, let alone a
romantic relationship, you need to have a basic sense of trust in the
safety of trying to form one. You need to be secure in the fact that
trying to connect with someone will not end in pain and rejection.
Not just romantic wise, but in the sense of basic friendship as well.
For many people, they no longer have this. I am not just talking
about people with “trust issues”, or people who have been bullied
or abused, or even people who are outright shunned and alone. They
obviously relate to what I am saying, but the obvious or extreme
cases are not the only ones that are relevant. I am talking about
those people that seem fine or “normal”. People who put on a
smile and allow only the socially correct parts of themselves to
show. People who can’t be themselves, because their real face is
considered weird, or stupid, or childish. People who have stopped
reaching out and have started blending in. For them, the internet is
a safe haven. It is a place where you can be yourself because you are
anonymous. It is a place where you are not trapped in this cycle of
interacting with the same people every day. It is a place where you
can find someone who accepts you for you. And for many, it becomes
the only place they feel they can ever really belong. One point of
salvation on the internet is that personality matters more than
appearance. You are not judged by how you look, you are judged by how
you act and think. It takes away the pain of people associating your
person and face with something of ridicule. It takes away the danger
of facing those associations face to face. If you fail to connect
with someone online, you simply never contact them again. If you fail
in a “real life” setting, then you have to look that person in
the eye every day you go back to that place. So yes the internet can
be dangerous, but it can also be a godsend too. It depends on the
perspective you look with. Not everything is as black and white as it
may seem.
It
is easy to tell people to get over things like this. It is easy to
say they have issues. It is easy to say they need to grow up and deal
with it. It is easy to say they just need better social skills. It is
easy to say that if they would only do “x” then life would be so
much better. It is easy to tell them the only friends or loved ones
they have found are not “real” because they only speak with them
online. It is easy to say these things when you have never been in
that situation. But when you have been in that situation where being
you means being alone, or even when you know someone who has, those
things become a hell of a lot harder to say.
-BlackFox
(1420)